A Somewhat Fuzzy Sweater
by Kai-Kerrigan
Summary: An introspective fic about a genius...


Tenchi Muyo is the property of Pioneer and AIC. I've no intention   
of using this to garner profits of any kind or type, so unless you like to   
take a poor man's computer away from him, please don't sue me!? Please?  
  
I thought I'd let the man know, who inspired my writing this very   
fic, that I hope that he's remembered as an accomplished writer for   
thousands of years.  
  
BGlanders, I salute you. And for those of you who will most   
likely be asking about what song the main character is referring to, I'll   
write some of the lyrics right here. And I salute you, Madonna, for   
singing so beautiful a song.  
  
~~~~Madonna – Nothing Really Matters~~~~  
  
When I was very young,  
nothing really mattered to me  
but making myself happy.  
I was the only one.  
  
Now that I am grown,  
everything's changed.  
I'll never be the same  
Because of you…  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My e-mail is kai_kerrigan@attbi.com for any and all feedback.   
Please, PLEASE SEND FEEDBACK OF ANY KIND!!! Thank you! ^-^  
  
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A Somewhat Fuzzy Sweater….  
By Kai_Kerrigan  
***************************************************  
  
Why do I put myself through this? Why?  
  
Go figure that those memories would start to come back now; it   
had to be when I'm test-running one of those transponder units that I set   
into geosynchronous orbit above North America. I listened to the myriad   
waves of sound and data as it shot off of the surface and back from the   
satellites that orbit that corner of the world, and I heard a song. Nothing   
fancy or as classy as some of the orchestrated songs that Jurai is so well   
known for, but it struck a cord with me. I can't describe it; it awoke…   
something… inside of the shakiest and most brittle parts of my heart and   
mind. And then I could feel her, just as I always have; like a feather that   
brushes against your skin and leaves the faintest of reminders that would   
ever tell you it was there. And, as I felt her mind, I began to think about   
her life.  
  
The pain that she's had to suffer, it slowly creeps over my heart;   
hell, I can FEEL it as she lays up there on that rafter and thinks about   
where she comes from and what she thinks she's become. I feel the   
loneliness and frustration as it builds up within her heart until it reaches a   
fever pitch, and then she teleports out onto the roof or close to Tenchi as   
he sleeps, as she tries to forget what she remembers. And while this is all   
happening, I watch through my mind's eye what plays through her mind.   
And as I stare at a view screen and feel the thoughts, I type in information   
about what just happened with a previous experiment. I wrestle with   
myself as I try to justify things that have no justification; there's no way to   
change what happened, and I'm pissed as hell that I'm not willing to   
accept that fact.  
  
Then I remember something that I had made a long time ago; it   
was a sweater that I had decided to knit for my son. It's not really that big   
of a sweater, but it can stretch out and fit you; it's also somewhat fuzzy. I   
love the feel of something that isn't quite fuzzy, but isn't sleek either. The   
feeling of being just so, of feeling in between two extremes and in balance   
with each other, is something that I secretly enjoy. It's something about   
life that I seem to crave and yearn for.   
  
But I'm getting off track here; focus, Washu, focus.  
  
It was meant as a gift I was going to give him when he was older.   
Like something you would make to give your child when he's old enough   
to wear it. I can barely describe the feelings that the idea invokes; like   
giving a part of your life to him, and letting him know that he's grown into   
what you've always knew he'd become.  
  
But life doesn't always follow your dreams, now does it?  
  
I can feel them coming, creeping slowly from under my heart, and   
slipping out from behind my eyes. They're salty-sweet, if there's such a   
phrase; they're meant to let your heart move forward and accept the   
inevitable. But I can't seem to find the space that's in front of me, that   
will let my heart step forward… and let this painful memory go. So I   
thought that perhaps, I can recreate what I had. Create life again, without   
those things that could take my heart away. That's what she is, you know;   
she's my heart, my second chance at unconditional love and compassion.   
But, history loves repetition and I came within a heartbeat of losing a   
second time.  
  
Almost.   
  
That's why I will be thankful to Tenchi for being the kind of man   
that he is, always. Without his help, I'm certain that I'd never have her   
back. I know that I've not been a good mother, and it hurts sometimes to   
have been apart from her for so long. I missed so many things about her   
life that I should never have missed, and I don't think I'll ever forgive   
myself for what happened. But, here and now, I think that I have the   
chance to start making amends. I can hope that she's willing to call me   
'Mom' and that she'd be willing to accept that there are some things that I   
could not change or stop. I still have that sweater, sealed away in my own   
private place in the lab; it's a deep crimson red, with a thin green stripe   
that runs up each sleeve. It's even got a cute little crab embroidered on the   
left breast, just to let you know who made it. Granted, it's only a   
somewhat fuzzy sweater, but I can't think of anything else that I would   
give my second chance.  
  
Looking back, I haven't been what I should have been when it   
counted; I'm going to change that. I'm going to be a mother to my   
daughter, and a friend to the man who brought her back to me.  
  
I'm going to be part of their family. 


End file.
